One thing that really irritates me is when some people assume its so damn easy to raise kids up as good Muslims in the UK. And you know what they say to me to prove this phenomena? They say, ‘Your father’s done a good job with his 9 kids’.
Are you for real? Do you really think that just cos you consider me and my siblings to turn out ‘OK’ that its easy to raise kids in the West?
Have they got no idea as to how much abuse we (the children) had to go through in order to get ourselves to this ‘level’ which you assume to be good.
Let’s face it – a kid sleeps 8 hours per day… goes to school 8 hours per day… spends time in his room, watches TV, does homework, goes out with friends probably totaling the rest of the 24hrs left in the day…
So the parent doesn’t really teach the child. The parent sees the child when he’s watching TV or at the dinner table (although its TV dinners for most asian families). So society teaches the child… the child learns more at school than from their parents. Most of the times, the kid doesn’t even go in-line with the parent’s philosophy.
I got to all sorts of things during my school and college days – things which neither the Islamic or Malay traditions would approve of. In fact, many of the things I did, people would outcast me because of it – I’m not saying I’m proud of the wrong things that I’ve done – but I’m just saying that’s what a typical British Asian kid does.
Of course the parent doesn’t know these things happen.
I’m sick and tired of the parents who say to me …’yeah, but I want my child to be close to me and share everything with me’
GET REAL!! What child living in the 21st century would want to even be seen with his/her parents. That’s equivalent embarrassment to ‘grassing’ someone up in school!
So the parents would say something like “yeah but it shouldn’t be like that” – erm…hello!!!! Did you not hear what I’m trying to say?
Parents are not the same as friends. Parents are parents. They are not friends. Yes, I agree that there are some parents who are almost like friends to their children. But judging by the number of Malay cases I’ve witnessed – this is a very rare occurrence in the Malay case.
Don’t think you can relate to your children. In most cases you can’t. That’s just a fact of life. Insha’allah, when I have kids (if Allah permits) – I’ll understand more about the difficulties of parenthood – but this article isn’t about parenthood – I’m just being the voice of the children.
MORAL: Those parents thinking its easy to raise children in the West – Stop living in a dream world. Especially if you yourself was not born and raised in the West – don’t claim to know what its like. It’s an insult to our intelligence.
So to all those Melayu UK members thinking its easy to raise their children here in the UK – please do your children a favour – don’t ever assume its easy. I’d hate to see a child going through what I had to go through.
S.Shafii School of Thought 