Backward Business Practice: Maybank iz a Bitch

WARNING: Don’t read this if you’re a Malaysian nationalist who’s easily offended.

————————–————————–————————–————————–—-
Here’s a summary of some business practices:
—————
Malaysian Business Practice 1: When the customer complains, don’t accept responsibility, rather SHOUT at the customer.

Malaysian Business Practice 2: The customer is always wrong. Malaysian businesses are always right. Always accuse the customer of doing something stupid.

Malaysian Business Practice 3: When you don’t know how to use technology, go back to the days without technology – just for your satisfaction of experiencing a backward lifestyle again.
—————-
UK Business Practice 1: When the customer complains, don’t blame them immediately. Never raise your voice or shout at the customer. Remain polite.

UK Business Practice 2: The customer may be right. The business may be wrong. Don’t make conclusions until a full investigation has been raised.

UK Business Practice 3: If something’s wrong with the technology, admit it and apologise to the customer. If you can’t fix it, admit it.
————–
Indian Business Practice 1: When the customer complains, don’t blame them immediately. Never raise your voice or shout at the customer. Remain polite. Say you understand (even though you don’t). Say everything will be all right (even though it won’t be).

Indian Business Practice 2: Let the customer explain the situation, then say you understand the situation and pretend to record it in the notes, but in secret – you don’t know what’s going on so the notes you write are inaccurate. The next person reading the notes will need the customer to re-explain everything again. Repeat this practice several times for best results.

Indian Business Practice 3: Use the technology, but if it fails, send the customer to the UK hoping the UK branch will help (although it’s nothing to do with the UK branch) – hope the customer will just forget about it. As long as your call centre stats are looking good, that’s all you should care about.

————————–————————–————————–————————–—-

The above business practices are conclusions from a personal experience transaferring money from HSBC UK account (inc HSBCindia call centre) to Malaysia Maybank account

Maybank provides the incorrect SWIFT code / BIC number to my wife and obviously now blames me and my wife for making up the incorrect code. The case continues…

————————–————————–————————–————————–—-

Here’s my conclusion:

F*** Maybank to Hell. Hope it collapses and £21 flies back into my back pocket.

In order of professionalism – I personally believe in the following (most professional at the top, least professional at the bottom).

1. UK
2. India
999. Malaysia

Obviously, I’m not saying UK business practice is perfect – as I’ve been involved in many companies which are just downright stupid.. and I equally laugh at those who worship the UK.. but hey, this is just a simple comparison of existing practices..

————————–————————–————————–————————–—-
Calling all Malaysians in the UK – PLEASE RETURN TO MALAYSIA:

Returning to Malaysia has many benefits:

1. Pay
a. Get some of the most generous pay cuts possible in the world!

2.Benefits:
a. Work in one of the most unprofessional atmospheres in the world!
b. Work long hours for free!

3.Career Prospects – Fast track your promotion by:
a. Having FREE sex with your boss!
b. Worshipping the Malaysian flag more than your Creator!

Want my elaboration of this whole fiasco? Well, when I get a moment I’ll upload it to my blog.

If you’re offended by this, well..I did giveu a warning..